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Are You “Shoulding” on Yourself? Why Resolutions Don’t Work

by | Nov 9, 2021 | 0 comments


Clock - new years celebrationYou know you’re supposed to make your New Year’s Resolutions now. But think back, how often do you actually stick to those resolutions? Why not?

Traditionally the New Year is a time to make resolutions. Resolutions, always seem to set you up to fail. If you think about it, resolutions all seem in some ways to rely on guilt and making yourself wrong for what you’ve been doing. You often make grandiose promises to yourself, then reality sets in, and they fall away.

Are you “Shoulding” on Yourself?

It could be that you are making resolutions that you think you “Should” make, not the ones you truly “Want” to make.

That “should” thing can really get you tangled up because it’s not coming from your heart, it’s coming from a sense of guilt, obligation, fear, wanting to fit in, societal pressure…..you fill in the blanks.

If the changes you want to make come from outside of you, it’s no wonder that they don’t stick. They are just another example of how we “try to do the right thing” but it may not be “your right thing”. It may be that it conflicts with something else you want.

Instead of making the usual resolutions – lose weight, get out of debt, get more business, take more time off, etc, spend the day reflecting on the past year. Think about what worked, what didn’t, what energized you, and what left you feeling drained. Imagine a life in which you feel more empowered and inflow.

Why giving up something doesn’t work

Are your resolutions based on giving up something vs embracing and experiencing a more fulfilling life?

Example: I want to lose 20 pounds vs I want to truly enjoy good healthy food and my life.
When there is a conflict like that which one do you think is going to win?

Example 2: I want to double my income vs I want to spend time doing what I love and connecting with happy, paying customers

Which one of these is coming from a Should, and which is coming from a heart/soul desire? Would really going for the “should” deny the other? Is there a way to include both in your life and switch the “should” to a true heart/soul desire.

Change your perspective – embrace the benefits

Let’s look at losing weight. What are the potential benefits and how can that include enjoying good food and life?

  1. I will feel better 20 pounds lighter and have more energy – enjoy life more.
  2. I will enjoy learning to cook delicious, healthy food that would up my energy level – enjoy life more.
  3. I will look and feel great in my clothes – enjoy life more.
  4. I will feel better about myself – enjoy life more.
  5. I will get together with friends and share recipes and even cook together – enjoy life more.

You have changed the entire intent behind losing 20 pounds from one of denial and constriction to one which embraces and includes your intent to enjoy your life more. When your resolution comes from a deeper place of pleasure rather than pain, it’s much easier to stick to it, it’s about saying Yes to Life instead of No.

Don’t set yourself up for failure.

Write down a list of what you want to bring into your life and how you want to accomplish it

But be straight with yourself – will you really go to the gym for an hour every day? Why not start off with something a bit more manageable and then add to it when you reach the first goal. What if instead of going to the gym for an hour a day – you get an exercise bike that you can use at home? You can even mix it up day to day one day at the gym another at home.

Pay attention to your body’s reactions to your goals. If you suddenly feel tired, anxious, tense, then you may be making the wrong plans. Shift things until you start to feel excited or energized instead of feeling dread. When your body, mind, and spirit agree on a goal, it’s a lot easier to achieve.

Make a plan, but allow for flexibility.

Too often we set ourselves up for failure by asserting that if we don’t follow the plan perfectly we’ve failed. When we fail we tend to drop the whole thing. If you allow some flexibility, then you don’t tend to feel that sense of failure and it’s easier to just readjust and go back to it with a new intent the following day.

Focus on the End-State-Emotion

Make goals for accomplishments, but instead of making it a “must-do” instead concentrate on how you will feel when something is done. This is called the end-state emotion. Your emotions are much more powerful in getting to a goal than your mere thoughts. Your emotions bring in your thoughts, feelings, even bringing them into your body so it’s something you can really begin to feel like a possible reality.

Try this phrase to help you make choices is “Does this bring me joy?” It’s helpful to go through different aspects of your life and really allow yourself to feel how you imagine it would feel if you:

  • Had that job
  • Finished the book you’ve been working on, or start the one you’ve just been thinking about
  • Spent more quality time with friends and family
  • Had a home that felt like a haven every time you walked in
  • Had a healthier body and could get out and do the things you wanted to do more easily and with more energy
  • Fill in the blank_____________________

Imagine Your Future – Focus on Your End-State-Emotion

Imagine what you will feel like when you have more energy, stamina, and general good health. Really let yourself feel what that will be like. This process can give your willpower a huge boost. It’s all very different when you go from – giving things up and denying yourself, to choosing a new healthier, more joyful life

Here’s an article that was written by a friend of mine based on her understanding of the brain. New Year Questions. Not Resolutions! She’s got some excellent questions that may help you fine-tune your choices.

Clearing Things Out

This is the perfect time to clear your desk and get organized. Spring cleaning never makes sense…it’s Spring and you want to be outside. During these winter months, clearing spaces can be uplifting. It has the extra bonus of helping to get rid of the old things which are no longer needed, which is always energizing. It’s as if all that clutter or stuff weights you down.

Clearing things out and cleaning your desk or files is also great in that it helps you get things organized for doing your taxes.

Energy Clearing with a BioElectric Shield

One way to really shift things is to reduce the impact of both EMF and other people’s draining energy. The BioElectric Shield can help with this tremendously. The Shield neutralizes and deflects both types of energy, plus it grounds and balances your energy at the same time.

Reduce Your Electromagnetic Load

You might also consider reducing your electromagnetic load! We’re surrounded by WiFi and all manner of electronics. Reduce the Impact!

We wish you a year of laughter, joy, connections, and love.

Have a Happy New Year from Virginia and AnnaMariah


22 Secrets to Reduce Your Stress

22 SECRETS TO REDUCE YOUR STRESS! 22 SECRETS TO REDUCE YOUR STRESS! This is a free resource to help you manage stress through stress management relaxation techniques and methods. Ideas for time management, problem-solving and more. Read it on the fly – then go back again and read at your leisure.

Let Your Still Small Voice Take the Agony out of Decisions. Do you agonize over decisions? Do you sometimes feel like there’s a roomful of people shouting in your ear telling you what to do? Does making a choice create a lot of anxiety for you?

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